Thanks to John Waters' A Dirty Shame, we all know how sex-crazed and elaborately perverse the residents of Northeast Baltimore can be. In the 2004 film, Chris Isaak's character's take on his neighborhood's depravity and fetishistic inclinations is simply "Welcome to the Harford Road area." It's along this thoroughfare that Parkville and Hamilton got to play setting and supporting character in what some worry may be the last film shot in Baltimore by her favorite son.
Recently, I set out to discover where Shame's subject matter drinks, because Parkside and Hamilton Tavern it ain't. These newer joints, while not without their charm, are evidence of Brewers Art extending its reach from downtown (both are co-owned by B.A. alums). Not coincidentally, that's the same place much of their yuppie and hipster clientele appears to be coming from. Pray tell, good sir, where are the locals? The area's true-blue indigenous folk are apparently imbibing elsewhere along Harford Road. But where in particular?
For starters, I'm sure a decent crowd was forming at Racers (7732 Harford Rd., [410] 665-6000). Already being hip to the place, I opted to forego free peanuts and the chance to see which soccer jersey Skip the bartender was wearing tonight. I wanted something new, so my first stop was the Emerald Tavern (8300 Harford Rd., [410] 661-2299).
Should've gone to Racers. The Emerald Tavern, turns out, is another indistinctive Irish-for-the-sake-of-it bars, with $5 Guinnesses that taste a bit off (keg change, please) and little else to indicate consistency with the name of the joint – the walls may be painted green, but they house Ravens memorabilia and flatscreens showing college basketball. Strangely, the four flatscreen tvs were outnumbered by five outdated standard sets, hanging silent and black around the bar. I supposed they'll remain for a while longer, if the Christmas garland still on display is any indication.
Three bartenders were working a slow Saturday night; luckily this staffing oversight made it easy to avoid the rude male bartender, who displayed zero desire to fetch anyone an overpriced $2.25 bottle of Boh. The ladies were nice enough, even when I became the weird guy who asks for an itemized receipt at the bar. Rail drinks ran a decent price at $3.50, and the place offers $1.50 pints of PBR, so some bargains exist.
The clientele did seem to be comprised of those locals I was in search of – but then again, the unremarkable Emerald Tavern doesn't offer a reason for which someone might go out of their way. The big highlight occurred when a patron asked me about our vicinity to "titty bars." John Waters was onto something.
A letdown like this only ups the stakes for the next barhopping destination. It was time to suck it up; the next stop would be Harford Road's infamously intimidating biker bar. Drop by later in the week to read about my experience infiltrating the Holiday House (6427 Harford Rd., [410] 426-6794).
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